I've been reading Rachel's recent musings about, among other things, the merits of certain Outkast and Rage against the Machine songs, which got me thinking about my own audial* preferences. I'm one of those people who doesn't like most of the songs they like the first time they hear them**, that is, I usually require time for a song to grow on me. But there are a few select songs that I have liked right from the get-go, and Hey Ya and Killing in the Name Of just happen to be two members of that group. In fact, Hey Ya deserves extra credit not only for being a great song, but also for being accompanied by one of the most unabashedly joyous videos I've seen in a long time***. A few other "liked-em-the-first-time" songs that come to mind are The Urge's Four Letters, Two Words, Outkast's Bombs over Baghdad, and The Roots' The Seed 2.0, Weezer's The World Has Turned and Left Me Here , The Who's Who Are You, and Yes's Roundabout.

Anyway, I'm getting distracted from the purpose of this post, which is attempting to explain my musical prefrences. Perhaps it's easist to do this in the form of pseudo-decision tree (or a choose-your-own-adventure novel for that matter, they're conceptually identical).

0) Is it is a country song? If yes, you lose. If no, move to 1.
1) Is it a Led Zeppelin song? If no, move to 2. If yes, the song passes the Lucas test.
2) Is it a rap song? If yes, move to 3. If no, move to 4.
3) Is it a rap song that sounds exactly like 95% of rap songs that have come out in the last few years? Does it involve very expensive or very cheap alcohol, clubs, "Pimpin", and your thoughts regarding Ho's? If yes, you lose. If no, move to 4.
4) Is it played on MTV? If yes, move to 5. If no, move to 6.
5) Is it sung by someone who's unusually attractive, to you or the opposite sex? If yes, you lose. If no, move to 6.
6) Is there a "techo" (i.e. stupid and repetitive) beat behind it. If yes, you lose. If no, move to 7.
7) Is the song from the eighties? If yes, move to 8. If no, move to 10.
8) Is the song closer to a Journey song than a Talking Heads song? If yes, you better well be listening to it for comedic value. If no, move to 9.
9) Is it a hair band song (and yes, Bon Jovi is as much of a hair band as Poison, Whitesnake, or anything else)? If yes, you lose. If no, move to 10.
10) Is it a song where you "really have to listen to the lyrics". If yes, you lose. If no, move to 11.
11) Does it sound like a song by The Strokes? If yes, you lose. If no, move to 12.
12) Does it suck? If yes, you lose. If no, the song passes the Lucas test.


* Yes, it is a word.
**I just set the world record for bad pronoun use in a phrase. Thank you.
*** The video can be seen here, by the way, but I must warn you it means you'll have to go to the MTV website.

Two news stories in two days? You better believe it. This one involves some scientific investigation of the well-known 5-second rule: If food's on the ground for less than 5 seconds, it's still good. It took a high school student to come up with the idea, and the results seem to be somewhat inconclusive, so clearly more analysis is needed. In particular, I think there are more intersting questions to be addressed on this matter, such as:

1) Correlation between income levels and propensity for application of the 5-second rule
2) Correlation between weight and propensity for application of the 5-second rule
3) Correlation between age and propensity for application of the 5-second rule
4) Why anyone would think this is important enough to devote time and money to

BOO! This weekend I was lucky enough to complete a rare quad-fecta* of football suckiness, something that happens only rarely and tends to ruin my week from there on out:

1) I lost in picks to Chris
2) I lost in my fantasy football league
3) The Packers lost
4) The Wisconsin Badgers lost

So I Boo, not at anyone or anything in particular, but only at cruel fate, whose furies have aligned against me. Booooooo.

On a more positive note, scientists have discovered a 65-millon-year-old frog living underground in India, the last of the kind that hopped around trying to avoid dinosaurs in the late Cretaceous. I don't think it's the one particular frog that's really old, which would be more interesting, but it still looks cool. Scientists call it the greatest find in the last hundred years, which makes you wonder just how much fun amphibian archaeology is the rest of the time.

*What comes after a trifecta, anyway?

Chris recently claimed that I should no longer get credit for the picks on this site, which is a "Them's Fightin' Words" situation if I've ever seen one. Therefore, I will make the picks this week (with input from Lisa - it's a double-barrelled assault).

Before I start, however, I have to take a shot at Chris's recent "upset specials", where the phrase "upset" is being stretched to the breaking point. GB at home over KC? SF over MIN? These aren't exactly shocking picks. Perhaps he's just discouraged that his earlier (legit) upset specials didn't pan out. Anyway, there was never an established rule that we must pick upset specials ever week, so I would recommend that Chris stop these clear misnomers. From now on, I hope to see that the term is only used when appropriate.

Ok then, on to business.

GB at STL: If I ever was to pick GB to lose, this would be the game. Alas, I cannot - I'm blinded by my sentiments. I'm like "The Woman Who Keeps Coming Back" in all those movies I hate. GB.

NE at MIA: In a shocking upset, this game gets the "Game I Don't Care About of the Week" Award. MIA.

DEN at MIN: Vikings are in way over they're head, and I'll stick to that line even if they go 16-0. Daunte Culpepper is due for one of his patented 5-turnover games. DEN.

PHI at NYG: Wow, there's something really wrong with the Eagles. Two things, actually, a snakebit defense and a terrible offense (and Donovan McNabb ain't the problem, even though he's been playing like 60's folk rocker Donovan lately) NYG.

TEN at CAR: I've been partial to the Panthers ever since they made my week 2 upset special dreams come true at Tampa Bay. Can you imagine how good this team would be with even a speck of a passing game? CAR.

NO at ATL: And the difference between Doug Johnson and Kurt Kittner is what, again? NO.

BAL at CIN: Bengals, you've had your fun. Now go back to doing what you do best. BAL.

SD at CLE: Chris calls this the "Snoozer of the Week", which sounds an awful lot like my "Game I Don't Care About of The Week". I'm looking into suing for copyright infringement. The Chargers have let me down too many times this year to pick them. CLE.

DAL at DET: I have a feeling that Detroit could pull this one out, but that would be breaking my cardinal rule: Thou Shalt Never Pick Detroit In An Upset. DAL.

NYJ at HOU: Believe it or not, the Jets have almost the same record they had at this point last year. Now they're old and bad, but they can rekindle memories of their playoff run for one more week, at least. NYJ.

WAS at BUF: Ah, it's been so long since I've had to come up with Steve Spurrier one-liners. Discouraged by a recent defeat, Steve Spurrier now requires Patrick Ramsey to report to the sidelines after each play to see if he's been benched or not. BUF.

TB at SF: Do I seem to unreasonably target the Bucs for upset specials? Yes, I do. But it's worked so far. SF.

CHI at SEA: Note to Chicago's management: Your team sucks - It's not Kordell Stewart's fault. By the way, do you think Kordell can put "Professional Scapegoat" on his resume at this point? SEA.

KC at OAK: (Lucas's inner monologue during end of last week's game) RRGH! SO MAD AT K.C. .......Slowly...being...calmed...by...Dick Vermeil's...puppydog...face..........Ahhhhh....... OAK.

MLB Playoff Musings:
(Warning:you will not find this interesting if you don't follow baseball)

I recently realized that, being a brewer fan, I have never watched a meaningful baseball game in my life.

If the Cubs do win it all, the Brewers and the Pirates each deserve at least 25% of the credit: The Brewers for knocking the Astros behind the Cubs in the standings, and the Pirates for supplying half the Cubs team.

I hate the Yankees as much as the next guy, but Pedro Martinez and Manny Ramirez are punks.

If anything, I'd have to throw my hat in for the Marlins, who are young, spunky, low-paid and enthusiastic. Dontrelle Willis is a little too enthusiastic, though.

Speaking of the marlins, has anyone noticed that they're basically the polar opposite of the florida team that won it all a few years ago, which was old, lethargic, high-paid, and calm.

Chicago fans, stop crying about fan interference. That kind of play happens in baseball. The Cubs didn't get screwed, and were still leading by three runs after it happened. It's the Cubs fault, so deal with it.

If I hear anything more about goat curses or bambino curses I'm going to start cursing.

I am proud to present the Real-Life Cartoon Character Award to the Jacksonville Jaguar Chris Hanson, who recently injured himself in a bizzare wood-chopping incident. This is the same Chris Hanson who, approximately the year ago, injured himself in an equally bizarre fondue incident.

Only a punter.....

Do you ever have an idea for a post, but then keep procrastinating the actual "posting" part? C'mon, I know you do. But this isn't about you, it's about me, of course, and an event I attended about a month ago. I have been meaning to post about it ever since then, but always found found myself doing other things (not important things, mind you, but still things). Anyway, I've decided to suck it up and finally write something, so .....

I was always under the impression that if there was a "fest" to be had, one that was worthy of its name, it was done in milwaukee. For those of you who aren't familiar with the area, there's a large festival park on the shores of lake michigan near downtown that is used almost continously over the summer for one festival after another. The naming conventions for these festivals are at MadLibs-level simplicity: If you are celebrating (noun1), you name your festival (noun1)fest. A near-complete list can be found here, although I should mention that some of them are listed by their more formal names, violating the conventions I mentioned above.

Now recently, in Madison, I happend to see some advertisments for a so-called "Bratfest", which was held in Madison, not Milwaukee. If you haven't quite grasped how the name thing works, Bratfest is a Brat(wurst) festival. If you don't know what bratwurst is, you might as well stop reading. Evidently, this was no ordinary bratwurst festival, it was in fact "the world's largest" bratwurst festival.

I had some reservations about going to a non-Milwaukee fest, but we're talking about sausauge here, so, needless to say, I went. I was expecting a wide varietly of bratwurst from different sausage makers available for purchase, along with some bratwurst cooking and eating competitions. Instead, there was exactly one type of bratwurst available and no side attractions. It turns out that this was all a big stunt to try to break the world bratwurst-eating record. I doubt wheter this record actually exists since it has no parameters associated with it, it's just a number, "148,230". One the bright side, the sausages were just $1 a pop and were pretty tasty too. I had a couple, and although the record wasn't broken this year, I considered my time at bratfest well-spent.

The End. If you were expecting this rambling, incoherent tale to go somewhere, sorry. If you're looking for a moral, I don't think there is one. How about, "Don't look a gift brat in the mouth"?

There's been some discussion recently about Wisconsin state quarters, and of course I feel the need to speak up. Now I'm a Wisconsinite, through and through, but the winning design is nothing short of shameful. How can anyone put a cow's head and the word "Forward" within fifty feet of each other? And the cheese and corn? That's one winning combination. My gut is just twisting in anticipation of the next time I can sit down in front of a corn & cheese sandwich.

Even worse, this design was actually the winner over two other finalists in an online poll. The other designs weren't exactly profound, but they looked like fine art compared to 'ol cowhead. Now, in my opinion, the only Wisconsin residents that would possibly vote for the cowhead were farmers, and they don't account for a large percentage of the state population (and aren't exactly the most internet-savvy either). Therefore, the only logical explanation is that most of the cowhead votes came from out of state, as the website made no attempt to check what state you were resident in. The votes could have come from disgruntled bear fans in Chicago, Minnesotans with an identity crisis, or even smug east-coasters. Wisconsin has many enemies, but I digress...

The story doesn't end here. A few days ago, disaster was apparently averted when the committee in charge of determining the winner decided to go against the popular vote in favor of the explorer quarter. But Wisconsin's governor, who has the final say, decided to ignore the committee and go with the cowhead anyway. If this isn't grounds for impeachment I don't know what is.

Forward, indeed.