A few days ago I was fortunate enough to see a real-life monkey fashion show as part of SportsCenter's Top Ten plays. Not being satisfied with only one viewing, I tried to find more information and/or a video clip about "monkey fashion show" on google but sadly the site came up with nothing. Well, not for long - soon enough google will be back here and they'll find this:

MONKEY FASHION SHOW!
MONKEY FASHION SHOW!
MONKEY FASHION SHOW!

And I will be the one and only source on the entire internet for this wonderful, wonderful phrase

P.S. If you have a web page of your own, don't you dare say "Monkey Fashion Show" yourself, or there will be hell to pay....
P.P.S. Unless you are in fact the actual Monkey Fashion Show people, in which case, go right ahead....

A few days ago, I realized that I will soon be able to introduce myself as "Lucas Fox, Master of Science". Master of Science - How cool does that sound? I've since discussed this idea with Chris and Ron, and we're all in agreement a Master of Science should be able to do just about everything. A "Master of Science" should be able to control the weather, cause or cure disease in whomever they want, shoot lightning out of their fingertips, cause earthquakes, and generally fight and/or cause all sorts of crime. I also think Masters of Science should be required to wear a cape at all times, so everyone knows just how powerful they are.

Man, I can't wait until Graduation.....

Sorry about not posting for a while. I'll admit that it's partially my fault, but a large part of the blame goes to Blogger. Blogger was bought out by Google a little while ago, and apparently their new owners' chief goal is to make their servers really unreliable. But anyway, onto buisness:

Last night I was able to catch the Grammys for the first time in several years. I'm actually starting to think popular music is beginning to come aroud, but it still has a long ways to go. A few observations:

Will somebody please move Faith Hill and The Dixie Chicks to the Country Music Awards, or at least out of prime time?

James Taylor and Yo-Yo Ma (Best Name Ever) was really quite nice, but Simon and Garfunkel aren't sounding like they used to.

If you saw Art Garfunkel in a dark alley, you'd run away, you know you would. He's awfully crazy-looking.

Why do The Roots, who are a real band that play real instruments (quite well), keep allowing themselves to play background music for the likes of Eminem and Jay-Z?

And why does Carlos Santana keep hooking up with losers like The Matchbox 20 Guy and Michelle Branch?

I thought Coldplay and that Orchestra was going to work, but it really didn't.

Also, The Coldplay Guy has to stop headbanging when playing the piano, or he's going to end up with a keyboard induced concussion.

Jimmy Sturr wins best Polka Album! What an upset!

I was really suprised when Eminem didn't flip anyone off (to my knowledge).

And I was shocked that the unbelievably overexposed Osbournes did not make an appearance (to my knowledge).

And why didn't Kenny Rodgers get to perform? "The Gambler" is as true today as when it was written.

Bruce Springstein looked even constipated than usual while doing the tribute to The Clash.

Speaking of Tributes, I could have really done without N'Sync's a capella rendition of Stayin' Alive.

Speaking of Tributes and N'Sync, does this mean somebody's going to do a tribute to N'Sync in twenty years? I hope I'm dead by then.

Averil Lavigne didn't win anything. There is a god.

Do you ever wonder which stars you could beat up in a 1-on-1 fight? I do:

Steve Guttenberg
Rick Moranis
Anyone who's ever been in a Hair Band (especially Poison)
Jerry Seinfeld
David Hasselhoff (although not if he had a talking car)
Any Baldwin or Wayans brother
Drew Carey
Bruce Willis (it helps that he's old)
Humphrey Bogart (it helps that he's dead)

...and that's just a start

The quote of the year so far, from Sports Illustrated:

Jerome James, Supersonics center, responding to coach Nate McMillan's charges that he is selfish:
"I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome"

Ever wonder what this web page would look like in Spanish, French, German, or even Japanese?*. Well, now it's only a click away thanks to the BabelFish URL translator!

*Note: Give the links a minute or so to do their thing. You try translating a few thousand lines instantaneously....

Also, for even more fun, translate something into a foreign language and then back in to english. For example, the climactic paragraph from my monkey movie (see below) went from:

So Bobo enters the Daytona 500. Duke tries all sorts of dastardly tricks and Bobo hilariously evades them all, but they remain neck and neck to the very end. As they come out of the final turn, Duke is right behind Bobo but is preparing his greatest and most dastardly trick. But then Banany tells Bobo to eat him. Bobo doesn't understand and of course refuses, but in a tear jerking moment Banany tells him to do it for little Jimmy. So he eats Banany and throws the peel out the window. Duke drives over the banana peel, spins out, and crashes into the wall. Duke's car explodes as Bobo crosses the finish line in first place, causing Clarice to jump out of her wheelchair in joy. Then Duke gets out of his wreck and falls into Bobo's gigantic ice cream sundae. Bobo and little Jimmy and Clarice all laugh, and Duke sees them laughing and realizes the error of his ways because, hey, life is funny like that.

to:

Thus Bobo the Daytona 500 comes. Duke tries all kind of dastardly cheats and Bobo evades to them all hilariously, but they remain beginning and beginning to the actual end. Since they come out from the locking revolution, is duke, right behind Bobo however prepares his largest and dastardly trick. But then Banany Bobo explains to eat it. Bobo understands not and rejects naturally, but in a pushing moment of the tear Banany asks him to do it for few Jimmy. Thus he eats Banany and throws the bowl from the window. Duke drives over the banana bowl, spinnt out and breaks off into the wall. Car of the duke exploded, during Bobo the end line in the first place crosses and starts Clarice to jump out from their wheelchair in the joy. Then duke leaves his wreck and falls in ice cream ice cream cup Bobos gigantic. Bobo and little Jimmy and Clarice everything laugh, and to duke them see laughing and carry out the disturbance of his ways, because, hey, the life is merry like that.

At the urging of Chris, I've decided to post my own movie plot, which I had been throwing around earlier today. Just try to tell me this would make less than 50 million gross.

It's a simple story of an Orangutan who wants to become a NASCAR driver.

Bobo was just another monkey in a dead end job. But he had a dream. A dream to drive in the Daytona 500. He had the talent, he had the will, but nobody would give him a chance. The fat cats upstairs told him monkeys couldn't drive. And pulling the strings behind the scenes to keep Bobo out is none other than 20-time Winston Cup champion Duke McBurn (preferably played by Burt Reynolds, or, barring that, Tom Selleck. Somebody with a black moustache, at least). Duke McBurn drives an all-black car with a big skull on the hood and has been known to use dastardly tactics to win races.

Nobody believed in him, except little Jimmy in the hospital, and Clarice, Bobo's young blonde love interest who was crippled by her ex-lover Duke McBurn in a terrible NASCAR wreck and now is confined to a wheelchair. But the wheelchair shoots lasers (Ok, so I "borrowed" that last part from Steel).

With support from little Jimmy and Clarice, Bobo decides that the only way to prove his worth is in the underground racing circuit of south central LA. Aided by a CGI-enhanced talking banana named Banany (voiced by Snoop Dog), Bobo learns how to "light his inner fire" and "push it to the limit". After defeating a drug dealer kingpin (played by Emilio Estevez) in a drag race and turning him over to the cops, Bobo finally starts getting noticed. Pressured by the rest of the NASCAR administration, Duke McBurn concedes that the monkey can enter one race. If Bobo wins, he gets a gigantic ice cream sundae and Duke has to donate all his money to the orphanage little Jimmy stays at when he's not in the hospital. If Duke wins, he gets to sell Bobo to the circus and marry Clarice.

So Bobo enters the Daytona 500. Duke tries all sorts of dastardly tricks and Bobo hilariously evades them all, but they remain neck and neck to the very end. As they come out of the final turn, Duke is right behind Bobo but is preparing his greatest and most dastardly trick. But then Banany tells Bobo to eat him. Bobo doesn't understand and of course refuses, but in a tear jerking moment Banany tells him to do it for little Jimmy. So he eats Banany and throws the peel out the window. Duke drives over the banana peel, spins out, and crashes into the wall. Duke's car explodes as Bobo crosses the finish line in first place, causing Clarice to jump out of her wheelchair in joy. Then Duke gets out of his wreck and falls into Bobo's gigantic ice cream sundae. Bobo and little Jimmy and Clarice all laugh, and Duke sees them laughing and realizes the error of his ways because, hey, life is funny like that.

Bobo went looking for a stock car racing career, but he found himself.

Somebody linked to my page from here (it's about a third of the way down, for full effect turn on your speakers). I'm very appreciative, but something tells me they don't speak english. Mabey I should post some real Mount Athos - related material just to clear my conscience of all those orthodox monks.

Finally, some good snowball snow and nobody* to throw it at. I guess I'll be forced to channel my destructive tendencies into more senseless acts of violence. This whole winter has been one snow-related dissapointment after another for me. I leave for Chrismas and St. Louis gets a blizzard. I come back and St. Louis gets subzero-windchill days alternated with 40-degree, slushy, depressing days (with a few 60+ degree days just to taunt you). Well, at least we get sweltering heat and horrible humidity in the summer. Why anyone decided to build a city here is beyond me.

On another note, I'd like to be one of the first to welcome Ben to the -273 community. I'd say odds are about 5:1 right now that he turns into the next Erv.

*Lisa's out of town

The Oxymoronic Movie Title of the Year goes to Final Destination 2. Just how final was the first one, huh?

Also, thanks to -273 for finding Dave Barry's blog a little while ago. The world suddenly seems right. We're all just trying to imitate the master anyways.

Today, I'm posting a couple of video links that I've been meaning to put up for a while:

1) Creature Comforts - An Oscar-winning short animated film that has been one of my favorites for many years. It's by the same folks that have done the Wallace & Gromit series, which contain the best claymation I've ever seen. Although not as technically impressive as those films, this one's a treat if you can wade through the thick british accents.

2) Terry Tate - The Super Bowl commericals this year were pretty darn subpar, but this extended edition of one of the best from that crop almost makes up for it. Good if you like random violence, bad if you don't. Reebok makes you give an email address to watch it, but they don't care whether it's real or not....